To my son on his Birthday June 12

What a beautiful adventure we are on together, my precious son. Today is your 26th birthday. It’s such a cliché to say that I can hardly believe it and that time has gone by so quickly, but it’s the truth. Twenty six years ago I was about to become your mother. With my hand on my belly, watching late night TV, I could feel the beginning of the contractions that would be The Real Thing, that would make our couple into a threesome. I was so calm. I was so ready to meet you. And you came, quickly, practically jumping into the world. Oh my God, the love; my heart could hardly take it. I remember, even now, holding you that first day. The world was asleep, apart from you and me. We were in our own little world. It was just you and I cuddling in the hospital bed. I touched every inch of your face; trying so hard to memorize the tiny creases, bumps, lines, those big blue eyes,( later they turned brown) your shivering dreamy sighs, that baby smell of powder and milk.
I remember not sleeping that night and wandering down to the nursery to see my baby. It was so surreal. You hadn't fed and I felt strangely alone. I didn't like the fact that they took you away for the night. When they brought you back the next morning I didn't have a clue what to do with you. A nurse would be in shortly to show me how to feed you they said. I felt so lost, so empty. I missed you in my body, I missed feeling your heart beat, you body your soul. It was once mine, all mine. To care for, to hold, to love.
And then you grew up, spread your wings and flew away.
I feel tremendous ambivalence on this day, and it is not just the poignancy of a parent watching the maturation of a child and the accelerating passage of time and disbelieving that it could happen so quickly. How could you get to be so tall, so independent, so capable, so complex, so funny, so far away? How could 26 years have elapsed since that astonishing, magical moment that our eyes locked and I saw all that you had ever been and all that you were to become. You were disconcertingly serious, unconditionally present and absolutely real, and I have loved you completely ever since.
I want you to know that no matter what situation life may bring you, I will be there to see you through, if not in person, then in your heart.
There are, and will be more, days that you don’t have the right answers, or any answers at all. You will find cruelty and suffering in your journey through life … but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences and to new people. If you close your heart to new people, you’ll avoid pain … but you will also lose out on experiencing some incredible people, who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life.
Always take responsibility for your actions, good and bad. If you can’t change something, change the way you think about it. You will fail many times but if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success. You are growing stronger in wisdom with each passing year. Don’t ever use CAN’T as an excuse, ALWAYS TRY. Remember a mistake is not a failure unless you let it keep you down.
You are kind, generous and loving. You tell me every time I see you or you call that you you love me. We are close. Don't be mistaken, your still a boy(always my son) - your loud, sometimes smelly, and yes you fart ... a lot, you can get cranky, always hormonal (love the ladies!),.You swear like a wharfie,but never lazy. You were never a straight A student (not even a straight C), you never made the debating team, and never won student awards. However, you has grown into the loveliest of men. You stands by your friends. . You hug me when I cry. You cry when you sees animal cruelty. You stands up for what you believes in. You are a nice person. You have a kind heart and knows how to love. And that ... is really all a mother can ever want from her son.
Your Dad and I can never express in words the joy, happiness and love you have brought to our lives. You have been my rock during many periods of my life as well in the lives of so many of your friends. Your depth of compassion and understanding are two of your most wonderful traits and what have made you the caring and loving young man you are today.
Happy Birthday Brett! I love you with all my heart.